u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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