I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Please, let me fuck your mom
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
