Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
