benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
