i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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