So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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