I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
