with your own penis?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
