did you get engaged???
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
