is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
