and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
