Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He did a backflip because drugs
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