Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
