Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
