Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
