Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize