I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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