Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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