gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
