I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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