sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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