i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
