Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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