somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize