Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
