Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
