You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I am full of burrito and curiosity
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
