Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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