If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
