my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
