Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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