I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
