its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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