there was a trapeze. enough said
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize