i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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