Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
