I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
