I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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