weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
