I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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