OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
