I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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