perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
