did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i wish my penis had a tongue
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize