I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
