went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
