two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
