I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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