I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
