Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize