I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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