I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whoreâ€. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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