so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
