Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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