I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Randomize
