My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
