Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize