i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You ruined the universe
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
