Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
