Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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