Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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