I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
