so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
