My room smells like vodka and shame
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
