Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You can't special order awesome
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
