Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
