remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
