I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
