We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
