time to smoke my breakfast
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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