I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
