And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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